How to actively listen to and support your child

A big part of deepening connection with your child or teen is creating a safe space where they can express themselves and receive support when they need it. By actively listening and validating their curiosities and experiences, you’re ensuring that they know they can come to you for a lifetime of support.

What is active listening? 

Active listening is a communication technique that involves fully focusing on, understanding, and engaging with your child or teen during conversations. Active listening requires not only hearing the words being spoken but also paying attention to the speaker's non-verbal cues, emotions, and underlying messages.

How can I actively listen to my child? 

• Check distractions. Try to put away distractions, like phones, at the door and pause what you’re doing. Notice when your child is most open and communicative, and try to adjust your schedule to protect this window of time. Opportunities like when you are doing chores together, while out for a walk, or sitting side-by-side at the dinner table can take some of the pressure off, and allow you to communicate with each other with more ease.

• Validate their experience. Try your best to show up for your child by listening respectfully to what they have to say without interrupting, shaming, or judging them. Remember that something like not getting invited to a birthday party might not seem like a big deal to you, but to a kid or teen, it can be all-consuming. Instead of dismissing how your child is feeling, try to help them articulate what they are going through. You can help them feel heard by saying something like, “I hear that you are feeling ____. I’m so glad that you shared this with me.” 

• Support instead of fix. Instead of swooping in and attempting to fix your child’s problems, find opportunities to help them build resilience or “bounce back” when difficult things happen. Sitting with your kiddo in moments of discomfort while offering support can show them they have what it takes to navigate even life’s trickiest moments. You can ask, “What would make you feel the most supported right now?”
  
  
• Create a judgement-free zone. When your child comes to you with a question, even on a topic that you have very strong opinions about, try to simply listen instead of jumping in to correct or insert judgment. 

Above all else, let your child know that they can always come to you with questions and you’ll be there for them. And if you don’t get it right the first time, you can always follow up and open up the conversation at another time. And if you ever need support, don’t hesitate to reach out to the team at Bend.