Your guide to grieving

Navigating the loss of a loved one, pet, job, home, or anyone or anything else that is important to you can be a deeply painful experience. The team at Bend works closely with many young people who are coping with grief and we’re so glad that you’re here. Although grief can be different for everyone and can change over time, there are steps you can take towards better understanding what you’re going through, finding comfort, and seeking support. 

Grief is a normal and natural part of the human experience and that there is no right or wrong way to do it. Grief is born from loving greatly, and as painful as it is, your love and what you’ve lost are worth honoring. Let’s go through ways you can best ride the waves of loss at your own pace, while seeking emotional support when you need it. 

What are the symptoms of grief? 

Everyone is different, and every loss is unique, but it can be helpful to know the common symptoms of grief so that you feel less alone in your experience. Here are some things that you may be experiencing after a significant loss:  

• Physical symptoms including aches, fatigue, pains, heaviness, headaches, stomachaches, etc. 
• Frustration, anger or guilt 
• Anxiety or stress 
• Guilt or regret 
• Outbursts of emotions, like crying, when you least expect it
• Feeling numb or detached from people or things you love 
• Loss of appetite
• Change in sleep patterns
• A sense of disbelief 
• Difficulty concentrating or focusing 

Grief can be especially confusing because it typically brings up a mixture of emotions and does not operate on any particular timeline or present itself in linear stages. You may feel fine one day and overwhelmed by sadness or anger the next day. Try to show yourself some compassion, making space for whatever emotion or lack of emotion comes up without labeling it as “good” or “bad.” Remember that grief can impact your body, mind, and spirit and it can be downright exhausting. 

Grief isn’t something that you just “get over” or graduate from, so consider reaching out to a therapist or coach who can create a safe, non-judgmental space for you to express any emotions that come up, while supporting you in finding healthy, effective coping techniques along the way. 

Tips for navigating grief 

Create a safe space for expression. Find a way to express any emotions that come up in whatever way feels good for you. This could mean writing, singing, drawing, talking to a friend, going for a job, or whatever helps you to move through your feelings. 

Honor your loved one’s memory. It can be a healing experience to honor a loved one by putting up a picture, lighting a candle, sharing stories, or preparing their favorite meal. You could also hold a memorial service, build a shrine, or have a moment of silence. Think of things you can do with the people around you to ensure that your loved one’s memory will live on with you. 

Take care of your body. Coping with loss can be physically taxing, so be sure to feed yourself nourishing foods (ask for help if you’re having trouble with this one), get a little movement in when you feel up to it, stay hydrated, and rest as much as you need to. 

Make space for your feelings. As tempting as it is to just push inconvenient feelings down because you don’t want to start crying at the grocery store, it’s important to make room for whatever emotions arise. Remember that your feelings surrounding grief will change, and they likely won’t always come on with such intensity, but it’s helpful to honor your internal experiences with kindness, attention, and love. It can be helpful to journal, talk to someone you trust, or try a guided meditation. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can right now and that it’s okay if you’re having a hard time.

Find support. Grief can be pretty lonely, so find ways to connect with others so that you feel less isolated. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member, look for an online or in-person support group, or contact a mental professional to help you through. You can ask someone to bring you a meal, go for a walk with you, or whatever it is that brings you comfort at the moment. 

Maintain your regular routine. Try your best to stick to your daily routine to provide yourself with a sense of stability. Are there ways that you can make time for things that bring you comfort or joy? Is there something in your life that is going well and deserves some attention? It’s not going to look perfect, but try to give yourself a sense of normalcy, without heaping on any guilt, when possible. 

It may sound cliche, but remember that grief is like a wave — the intensity will come and go. Sometimes you’ll feel the calmness of the waves, and other times the waves will come crashing all around. It won’t always make logical sense, but trust that it is completely normal. Give yourself the space and compassion to experience the feelings of loss and reach out to the team at Bend if you could use some support along the way.