Are you in healthy relationships?

Take a second to think about the relationships you have in your life with friends, colleagues, fellow students, or maybe a romantic partner, too. What are the things that make you feel good when you’re around others? Maybe you laugh a lot or you feel free to be your authentic self — these are what we call green flags, or signs of a healthy relationship, and they’re important to seek out! 

As you continue building lasting relationships in your life, it can be helpful to take a step back and better understand what matters to you most so that you can surround yourself with people who treat you in the ways that you deserve. We’re here to walk you through the dynamics that make up a healthy relationship so that you can get more of those green flags in your life. 

What makes a relationship healthy vs. unhealthy? 

A healthy relationship can be defined as a dynamic in which both people feel emotionally and physically safe, accepted as they are, and respected. Signs of a healthy relationship include honesty, trust, open communication, equality, safety, and ongoing support. 

In unhealthy relationships, one or both people may feel scared, anxious, guilty, ashamed, or unsafe in the dynamic. Some signs of a not-so-great relationship are jealousy, fear, blame, control, abuse, pressure, and unpredictability.

It’s important to establish your deal-breakers, red-flag behaviors that you will not tolerate in relationships. This should include any form of physical or emotional abuse, harassment, ignoring of boundaries, or disrespect. 

Green flag checklist 

We tend to talk a lot about relationship red flags — jealousy, crossing boundaries, a lack of respect — but we often avoid identifying and celebrating the green flags. Relationship green flags are signs of respectful, healthy, and meaningful connections in our lives. Use this checklist to see how many green flags are present in your current relationships: 

• Emotional safety: You feel comfortable being open, honest, and sharing your feelings without fearing judgement. 
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• Growth: I’m encouraged to grow, not shrink.
  
  
• Respect for boundaries: When you set physical, emotional, material, or logistical limits or simply say “no,” the other person hears and respects your wishes, without guilt or pushback.
  
  
• Encouragement, not envy: Look for people who celebrate your successes instead of those who feel threatened or try to minimize your achievements.
  
  
• Healthy communication: We repair after conflict and disagreements don't feel scary or demeaning. I don’t have to overexplain or over-perform and my needs are taken seriously without guilt.
  
  
• Give and take: Relationships should include both giving and receiving in equal measure.
  
  
• Ongoing trust: A healthy relationship involves building trust over time and knowing that the other person has your back and will continuously show up for you.
  
  
• Values alignment: Of course you don’t have to agree on most things, but having shared values (like kindness and generosity) is crucial.
  
  
• Maintaining your autonomy: You feel like yourself in the relationship with the ability to tend to your interests, hobbies, and connections with others.
  

Having healthy relationships makes it easier to navigate difficult moments in our lives. Make it a priority to nurture your existing connections, even when other areas of your life are busy. And if you could use a support network, remember that your friends at Bend are always here for you.